Inexplicably Missing

Recently we saw doctor number three. This is the last one. I'm not going for a 4th opinion. The good thing is that.. at least in our city... he's THE guy to go to for a second or third opinion. That's basically all he does... "Complex cases". So that's what we are. A complex case. huh. I feel... that...  I have come out of that consultation feeling the right way for the situation we are in. We don't seem to have a great chance. But there are still some options for us. We just have to decide which we take. I think what he managed to do was... to actually help us feel in control. Well maybe it's not him, maybe it's just what we've come to at this point of things. Anyway, I am feeling pretty ok. Not in despair that's for sure. What I take away from it is that--- we don't really know for sure if it's a female factor or male factor, or both, and/or a combination of us just "not working together". (He was loathe to use ...

I recently read Norweigan Wood by Haruki Murakami. I was only a few pages in and I found myself feeling sad and getting a bit teary. And the feeling ran surprisingly deep. And the strange thing for me was, it wasn't exactly the words or the narrative that brought up this feeling. It was something about the way the words were put together, the landscape they painted. It felt somehow... so barren. It surprised me how effectively this mood was created, given that his books are translated in to English. Anyway, I am now hooked on Murakami, I read another of his books shortly after I finished Norweigan Wood, and I'm now on my third which is a pretty long and weird one. I feel as though reading his books I will crack open a special riddle eventually. His books carry many symbols that pass on and weave through each of his novels. Perhaps I have cracked one riddle. The other day something occurred to me. So far in my reading, there's a noticeable absence of children or mention ...

Maybe it's because we're getting a new car soon, but I keep thinking of bumper stickers appropriate for people like me who are enjoying their struggle with infertility... 1) The bumper sticker answer to the pram parking situation... So whenever I am having a hard time trying to find a park at the shops, and there are vacant pram parks, I wish so much that I had a bumper sticker to say something along to the lines of: "After xxxx$$$ of failed IVF treatment I have earned my right to use pram parking" 2) My answer to the "My family" cute little stick figure stickers... Maybe they should have a new type of sticker that denotes the lab-cultured embryos... Although if I went this option, I think I would have a pretty full back window... with close to 70 embryos...  3) The "baby on board" sticker --- simple response... "No baby on board"  Well maybe not... but it's one possible route for being less invisible...