Recently we saw doctor number three. This is the last one. I'm not going for a 4th opinion.
The good thing is that.. at least in our city... he's THE guy to go to for a second or third opinion. That's basically all he does... "Complex cases".
So that's what we are.
A complex case.
huh.
I feel... that... I have come out of that consultation feeling the right way for the situation we are in.
We don't seem to have a great chance. But there are still some options for us. We just have to decide which we take. I think what he managed to do was... to actually help us feel in control.
Well maybe it's not him, maybe it's just what we've come to at this point of things. Anyway, I am feeling pretty ok. Not in despair that's for sure.
What I take away from it is that--- we don't really know for sure if it's a female factor or male factor, or both, and/or a combination of us just "not working together". (He was loathe to use the term compatibility but when he described it, I think compatibility is an appropriate word). Anyway, that doesn't really make things all that clear I guess. But it's where we're at, a lack of clarity, a lack of certainty.
He has a new idea for how we could go about another IVF round... if that is what we decide to do. We do a "long down regulation", and there's a chance that could lead to a "natural" pregnancy without IVF... but if not, we proceed with stims, and add in human growth hormone to the mix this time... Plus a bunch of supplements.... see if that raises egg and embryo quality. He was clear in saying he has no idea if that will improve our odds, but he showed us the research on it. And it is a bit different from what we've tried to date.
So then there's the idea of donor. And I think he's on the same kind of page we are on... which is.. for some reason we lean more to embryo donor rather than egg or sperm. Mostly because, we don't really know what's going on so why spend more time mucking around with different mixes. Just go the whole hog.
Interesting take he has on the donor idea, which is, don't tell anyone, and don't tell the child if you go donor options. I don't think that sits well with me. I am almost certain that's not how I'd go about it if that's where things head.
Overall, I would have to say I am impressed with him. He took his time with us to talk things through, asked us a million times what questions we had. And he was honest in how he put things to us ... which was in such a way that he offered absolutely no guarantee. But strangely that was very reassuring to me. Because it made me realise he gets it...
We do not know.
But he left us knowing that we are the ones to decide what lengths we go to... and when to say stop.
It seems to me that the happy-ending story that is so often "out there" about infertility is this: "Here is a couple who struggled and struggled to have kids, and then, finally, they had a baby. The end"... I think something about this story feels like a lack of honouring of the losses felt along the way for infertile couples. I know life goes on, and I know it does no one any good at all to get stuck in grief or pain. But surely there is some kind of transition for people to adjust from infertility to parenthood? Maybe there is a certain loss that is always felt? Transitioning to parenthood seems like it would be a hard process following infertility battles, and different somehow from a "normal fertility" transition to parenthood which I am sure would be hard enough (and I think is spoken about a lot). Something about the "...and then they had a baby" part of the story seems a bit dismissive about the infertility dramas, or gives a message of-...
It's amazing the difference it makes when you feel like your doctor is being honest, and really paying attention. Even if it's not good news its easier to take. Best of Luck!
ReplyDeleteFeeling in control, even a little bit, is a huge deal. I hope you don’t have to go the donor route, but if that becomes best option, the notion of secrecy doesn’t sit right with me either. Best of luck!
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