Recently we saw doctor number three. This is the last one. I'm not going for a 4th opinion.
The good thing is that.. at least in our city... he's THE guy to go to for a second or third opinion. That's basically all he does... "Complex cases".
So that's what we are.
A complex case.
huh.
I feel... that... I have come out of that consultation feeling the right way for the situation we are in.
We don't seem to have a great chance. But there are still some options for us. We just have to decide which we take. I think what he managed to do was... to actually help us feel in control.
Well maybe it's not him, maybe it's just what we've come to at this point of things. Anyway, I am feeling pretty ok. Not in despair that's for sure.
What I take away from it is that--- we don't really know for sure if it's a female factor or male factor, or both, and/or a combination of us just "not working together". (He was loathe to use the term compatibility but when he described it, I think compatibility is an appropriate word). Anyway, that doesn't really make things all that clear I guess. But it's where we're at, a lack of clarity, a lack of certainty.
He has a new idea for how we could go about another IVF round... if that is what we decide to do. We do a "long down regulation", and there's a chance that could lead to a "natural" pregnancy without IVF... but if not, we proceed with stims, and add in human growth hormone to the mix this time... Plus a bunch of supplements.... see if that raises egg and embryo quality. He was clear in saying he has no idea if that will improve our odds, but he showed us the research on it. And it is a bit different from what we've tried to date.
So then there's the idea of donor. And I think he's on the same kind of page we are on... which is.. for some reason we lean more to embryo donor rather than egg or sperm. Mostly because, we don't really know what's going on so why spend more time mucking around with different mixes. Just go the whole hog.
Interesting take he has on the donor idea, which is, don't tell anyone, and don't tell the child if you go donor options. I don't think that sits well with me. I am almost certain that's not how I'd go about it if that's where things head.
Overall, I would have to say I am impressed with him. He took his time with us to talk things through, asked us a million times what questions we had. And he was honest in how he put things to us ... which was in such a way that he offered absolutely no guarantee. But strangely that was very reassuring to me. Because it made me realise he gets it...
We do not know.
But he left us knowing that we are the ones to decide what lengths we go to... and when to say stop.
I heard a great radio segment the other day on the importance of belonging. Belonging is a pretty core and pretty basic human need I would say, and we certainly don't feel great, in fact we probably do things like turn to drugs and alcohol or other addictions or avoidant behaviours, when we don't have a strong sense of belonging somewhere in the world. These notions of belonging got me thinking about the infertility/trying to conceive journey. I guess getting online and reading and writing a blog has been all about gaining a better sense of belonging in this process. But even in this lovely online world there is a sad kind of aspect to it that... some people move on to the world of having kids and it doesn't feel like I "Belong" with them in the same sense. Some move on to have no kids, but as I am still trying to have kids, in a sense, don't "belong" there either. I can perhaps feel that I belong wholeheartedly with other people in my position, bu
It's amazing the difference it makes when you feel like your doctor is being honest, and really paying attention. Even if it's not good news its easier to take. Best of Luck!
ReplyDeleteFeeling in control, even a little bit, is a huge deal. I hope you don’t have to go the donor route, but if that becomes best option, the notion of secrecy doesn’t sit right with me either. Best of luck!
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