Inexplicably Missing

I called my IVF clinic today to let them know it's day 1 of my period. I've started this long-down reg protocol over the last week or so, taking some Decapeptyl injections and a cocktail of some other stuff. So I had to call up to arrange a day 6 scan.  Anyway, bit of context, on any Day 1 of my period I am typically a frazzled woman. In the last few days I cut a weekend holiday short because of realising I forgot to pay a tax bill and tax form that was due, came home early to organise the paperwork and then realised the paperwork was not actually due, I still had a few more days so didn't really have to cut the holiday short...  I also had been tasked with packing for the holiday and forgot to pack any teeshirts... and my partner's swimwear (for the beach). So my brain feels somewhat fried. Then the fried brain effect has just been upped a bit. Because when I called the clinic today, the nurse there let me know that my doctor (the guy we waited 9 months to get i...

Ok so I cried while watching a nature documentary the other day. A little maternal Birdy is incubating some eggs in her nest, and flies off to get food. While she's gone some other hungry bird comes along and smashes up the eggs to eat the yolks. Mumma bird comes back to a mess. She can tell it's not right but she just staunchly perches back on top of the smashed up eggs to keep incubating, because her drive is so strong. I had to change the channel. It's a reminder to myself that nature is completely indifferent. And that it's only sad because of the meaning I put to it. And that is ok. There's a certain beauty to that sadness. That.. And... It just is what it is.