I believe that in creating a family there is some innate desire, whether it is conscious or not, to both heal some of the wounds of our family of origin experiences and also to re-enact the beautiful parts. I think each generation tries to do something better and more for their offspring.. whether it be providing a different parenting style, a different emotional climate, different material things, activities, experiences.. I believe that people always hope what they provide will be an improvement on their own childhood. As I grieve about my family that won't be, I find myself often reflecting on my own upbringing and family relationships, and looking as well at the present messy mix of closeness and distance, affection and frustration, within my own family as adults today. Thinking of the limitations of my family... makes me sad. Maybe more sad that I have no chance to create my own "better" version... But I wonder how much of these thoughts of the past would have co...
My pregnancy and child are inexplicably missing. I have no medical explanations for my infertility, it just is.