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up the creek with a back-to-front paddle

We started stand up paddle boarding this weekend. We just went out, bought some boards, and gave it a go. No lessons. Just got out there on the water. It was pretty great. The weather was just beautiful, and there were stingrays everywhere. (side note- Personally, I am quite scared of stingrays. I think they are stunning creatures, just so... other-wordly... that they freak me out a bit).
The paddling was mindful.. a wonderful meditation to be out there on the water on such a beautiful day.
Though I found myself at times rather frustrated with how little power I had, when I was trying to get somewhere.
I shifted my weight, I tried engaging my core, I tried different strokes, I tried specific patterns of alternating from left to right. But I felt so underpowered.
I decided to just trust. There was only a shore to get to. Even if I just drifted down with the wind, and had very little power, I would eventually reach land.
But then yesterday, I was talking about the paddling to someone at work... and... I realised...

I have been paddling with my paddle around the wrong way.

Hm.
Okay. well
there's always learning to do.

Well I find myself today, blogging again, because, my period came today and I will be calling up the fertility clinic to talk about starting up a new IVF round. I am struggling a bit. I just don't feel positive. I'll go out and give it a try. and hope. And trust. But I think I might need some help to turn the paddle around today!

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