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navigating in fog

I thought I was getting good with just not knowing. But then maybe I'm kidding myself to say that, because honestly, this whole infertility thing has got me feeling far less tolerant of uncertainty.  Right now I'm sort of doing nothing. I guess I'm doing something... I'm getting information and opinions, and just waiting... as always. I'm also doing a bit of just not thinking about it, which is good too. I'm also spending some time thinking about it way too much and trying to work out silly things like if I could only just get my diet exactly right maybe that will sort it out? So it's all a bit of a foggy mix and I'm confused. I'm trying to navigate around the idea of using donors. Am I ok with it? Is my partner? Is that even where are we headed? The weird thing about unexplained infertility is that on one hand I swing to the possibility that since no one knows anything about what's happening, something really simple might get us pregnant, maybe even naturally (and the doctors emphasise that this can't be ruled out)... and then swing to thinking that since no one has any clue, we have no idea what to do and it seems impossible for it to ever work. I just need to take some time to work out what happens next.

Comments

  1. Sending a hug. If there was a diagnosed problem, the decision would be clear-cut. Not emotionally easier, but at least you would know what needed to get done. Hang in there. The waiting is so hard.

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    1. aw thanks! we are still hanging in there...

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  2. Unexplained Infertility is such a hard one for couples I always think as they don't really know what the actual problem is! Maybe it will work naturally eventually or maybe there is some issue that still needs to be treated. I'm sorry you are going through this uncertainty.

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    1. that's it! plus the idea is there that maybe there is something that science doesn't know about yet and so there's not really anything to be done... although that's not the most helpful thought!

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  3. Navigating in fog is right. I've really struggled with the uncertainty of infertility: not knowing what might get us pregnant, and not even knowing what worked when we did (that was surprisingly hard to accept). It's getting better but in a big part that might be because I can almost see the harbour through the fog now. I think living with uncertainty is an art and you find way to make peace with each day (or moment) in your own way. Sometimes you'll be more ok with it than others; try to be aware of all the feelings and what led up to them. On the practical side getting information is a huge step and although it does seem to take forever at times, sometimes it can't be rushed. You can also set parameters for yourself: eg we will try with our gametes for X months and then reassess. Time limits make it easier to visualize the future. Finally, I try to remember that everyone is navigating in the fog: we only THINK we know what will happen.

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    1. thanks for your thoughts, this is really great advice. My partner and I just need to work out a bit more of a plan. We decided to give ourselves a few weeks of reprieve not thinking about it too much and then assess where we're at. I think I can completely imagine that getting pregnant and not knowing why would also be hard to accept!

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  4. Trying to be okay with the not knowing - I know how hard this is. It's like a marathon - just being there in the moment, being a part of the universe (re: your previous post) and moving forward only with intuition as your guide.

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  5. Oh, man, have I been there. It sucks. It's maddening to look for solutions when there is no identified problem because you're just groping in the dark, and then it starts to invade every facet of your life as you move forward without direction. I think half of my blog posts may have been about coping with this. Much strength to you as you navigate the trial and error process <3

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    1. Thank you for sharing that experience. Yes, I totally get and am experiencing what you are saying

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