Skip to main content

rebelling

Okay so last night, trying to get that balance of Sunday evening --- relaxation for the end of weekend but accepting a week of work ahead...
I decided to:
1) eat cheese. Not just any cheese. Ridiculously good cheese.... ├ępoisses ... made by monks in burgundy. It's funky and it's a SOFT centred cheese.
2) drink wine. Not much. Certainly not "getting drunk" or anything near it. Just a small glass... ok maybe 2 small glasses. Mind you it was a DAMN good pinot noir from Tasmania. And it was SO SO good with the cheese and bread.
I feel like some people would not dare take the risk of those things, especially after how much effort and expense I've put in to all this getting pregnant process.
But you know what, I'm ok with it. I think it is just my insistence on staying "normal" during this extremely weird process and avoiding "Guilting myself out" --- (which--- I am guilty of...) But then I'm also wondering, am I actually just being a rebellious little minx? Or is it me kind of giving up? I don't know.
My doctor did say it was ok to drink during the process. I mean, seriously there's got a be a few decent French people out there who grew from "cheese-fed-and-small-amounts-of-wine-fed" embryonic forms. Right? (ok, Perhaps not of IVF/ICSI origin... ??? )

Anyway apart from getting that admission off my chest,  it's now the awkward week... I'm now officially "late" to get my period. But that could be due to the meds. Yes. That could definitely be due to the many, many meds...
And I feel crampy menstrual feelings, so that could be the period... but that could be implantation? could it? 
So there's a week of this waiting... until the pregnancy blood test. It's kind of awkward.

Comments

  1. The waiting is the hardest part. Hoping right alongside you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Good cheese and wine is curative for the soul. I hope it helps the waiting.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

trials of transfer day

Well it was transfer day on Saturday! The news we had beforehand was: 12 eggs, 11 for ICSI, 8 embryos formed, and at day 3, my doctor thought that 3 of the embryos were looking good. This time we didn't use the embryoscope, so there were fewer observations being made. We didn't get a report at day 4, so we just waited till the transfer day, (day 5) to hear news of the final score.... I was feeling pretty good prior, as those numbers are pretty good for us based on previous rounds.

On transfer day, I remembered that in previous rounds I do not leave the transfer procedure feeling too positive. Reflecting to myself why that is, I think that... it's the news I get from the scientists. They tend to explain all the events they have seen and they talk about how the quality of the embryos is poor and how unfortunately there won't be anything to freeze. Maybe it's not fair to blame them, it's the results that I don't like. But sometimes, you just want less informat…

Sucking eggs

Old mate fertility specialist likes to use technical language whenever possible. Hence he refers to my oocyte retrieval as "sucking your eggs".  He's all class.

It really hasn't been a great round, and my heart is not really in it. While we retrieved 18 eggs and made 8 embryos, they all grew badly and were massively fragmented. Except for one, which was not so fragmented, but still not a blast at day 5. It is inside me now, along with the runner up. So we'll see how it goes though I'm not holding out much hope.

I'm not sure if it's really more me, and getting too "serious" about all this.. but I have to say I'm tired of the attitude at my clinic. I don't think I will go back there. It's kind of like the Jetstar airline of fertility clinics, where the staff have a jovial "laid back" attitude to things like safety and professionalism. I would imagine that working in a fertility clinic you might naturally develop a lighter…

belonging or be longing somewhere

I heard a great radio segment the other day on the importance of belonging.  Belonging is a pretty core and pretty basic human need I would say, and we certainly don't feel great, in fact we probably do things like turn to drugs and alcohol or other addictions or avoidant behaviours, when we don't have a strong sense of belonging somewhere in the world.
These notions of belonging got me thinking about the infertility/trying to conceive journey. I guess getting online and reading and writing a blog has been all about gaining a better sense of belonging in this process. But even in this lovely online world there is a sad kind of aspect to it that... some people move on to the world of having kids and it doesn't feel like I "Belong" with them in the same sense. Some move on to have no kids, but as I am still trying to have kids, in a sense, don't "belong" there either. I can perhaps feel that I belong wholeheartedly with other people in my position, bu…